Wright & Co
by Stefan-sama
Summary: A collection of short, humorous snippets and moments from the day-to-day lives of our titular characters.


**I'm on a roll! Three fics in as many days. I can remember why and how much I loved writing. I don't often write humor, so I figured that this opportunity would be as good as any to practice. In case you didn't read the summary, here's a collection of really short moments from the lives of our favorite characters. Plus Apollo. I'm kidding, I love Herr Forehead. Anyway, I had the very first one swimming in my head for the longest time, and when the second sprang in (it's not very funny, I know), I sat down and started thinking of the rest of them. The pieces bounce around in regards to time- the fourth one's before even the First Turnabout, and the third is after AJ. I hope I made it clear enough which one is when, but you guys are smart, you'll get it no problem. Also, I'm sorry about the last one. I had a completely different ending planned, but it just wrote itself. I do think Apollo is straight (hence, the third story), but I've reconsidered my previous opinions- Klavier is about as straight as a hula hoop. Which I do think that he would rock quite well.**

**Wright & Co.**

"No, no, no! Gosh, Nick, you're such an old man!" Maya complained in exasperation, pressing her forehead against the trading cards she gripped in her left hand. "We've been through this before! You need to play the Soma card before you can play the Silver Samurai card! To play a Transformation, you always need to have the Base Character on your field first."

Phoenix sifted through his cards in confusion. "Uh… I don't think I have that. All I have are some Attack Cards."

Maya groaned and pulled a facepalm. "Don't tell me that, Nick! Just end your turn." She didn't wait for him and drew another card. "Yes!" she exclaimed gleefully. "I equip the Evil Magistrate Mk II with the Titanikatana, which lets me search my deck for any Attack Card that I want!" She slapped a card onto the office carpet.

There was a timid knock from the door; a shy, beautiful woman with long, cascading golden hair entered the office slowly, holding a piece of paper to her chest. "Um," she began, looking around, "is this the Wright & Co. Law Offices-"

The woman stopped midsentence as she finally saw the ensuing card game on the floor. Maya, her gaudy purple acolyte's uniform flowing behind her, was frozen with a Level Nine Spinning Dragon Strike in her outstretched hands.

"I'm sorry… I must have the wrong place," the woman squeaked, stepping back and closing the door loudly. Phoenix stared at the spot where she had stood. A moment later, he could hear the quick patter of feet disappearing down the stairs.

"Y'know, Nick, just because you lost doesn't mean you have to cry," Maya said awkwardly as Phoenix hung his head and sobbed.

* * *

The office door burst open to herald Edgeworth's loud, powerful stride. "Wright, brace yourself," he said, even more irately than usual, not even bothering to wait for a greeting.

"What's up?" Phoenix asked, looking up from the newspaper he was perusing in boredom. Edgeworth's instant commanding him put him off slightly, but it was better than the nothing he had to do with the recent lack of cases.

"I gave Detective Gumshoe a sizable bonus," he replied impatiently, tapping his foot.

Maya swallowed the mangled remains of her burger. "What's wrong with that? Gumshoe's been practically starving. We had to invite him over to instant noodles the other day!"

"The issue isn't with the bonus," Edgeworth said. "It's what he bought with it." Phoenix opened his mouth to ask. "You'll find out in a moment," Edgeworth interrupted.

"Just tell me-" Phoenix began, but was drowned out by a deep caterwauling coming from the stairs. Maya squealed and covered her ears.

Gumshoe emerged from the door, his eyes closed as he belted from a pair of headphones jammed over his ears. "I'm just a poor boy from a poor family-yy, pal!"

* * *

Trucy had Mr. Hat take Pearl's bags in, to which the medium squealed in delight and clapped. "Wow, Trucy! That's amazing!"

"Aw, that's nothing," Trucy replied, slightly embarassed. "Daddy says you're a spirit medium! Can you show me…?"

"Let her rest a bit, Truce," Phoenix said from his spot on the couch. "You're probably really exhausted from the train, right, Pearls?"

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplea seplease?"

Pearl stepped forward, her hands folded and her cheeks reddened. "I don't mind, Mr. Nick... I mean, I am a bit tired, but I'm just worried that I won't be able to channel a spirit for very long now… Is that okay, Trucy?" The magician-in-training nodded enthusiastically. "Then who should I channel?"

"Um…" Trucy put her gloved finger to her lip, thinking. "Harry Houdini!"

"All right, then… Mr. Harry Houdini…" Pearl cleared a spot on the office floor and sat down with her eyes closed. Trucy squatted down apprehensively for a closer look while Phoenix took another sip of grape juice.

Just then, Apollo exited the bathroom and came into the main office. His hair was even pointier than usual, and he was dressed in a sharp black evening suit. "Oh, is this Pearl?" he asked as he adjusted his collar.

Phoenix and Trucy turned to gape at his strange appearance, and when they turned back to Pearl, she'd grown about a foot and a half, and her hair had curled over. "Who summons the greatest escape artist of the ages, Harry Houdini?" the spirit boomed. It was now Apollo's turn to gape.

Trucy's hand shot up as she bounced up and down in place. "Me, me!" she squealed. "I'm Trucy Wright, and I'm a magician! You're one of my greatest inspirations, Mr. Houdini! Can you please show us an escape?" She held out her cape and a long coil of iron chains dropped out, which she held up to the spirit hopefully.

"Hm…" the spirit stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It may be a spot more difficult in these odd robes," he said, looking down at his pink garb, "but how can I refuse a fellow entertainer?" He deftly swung the chains around, employing Phoenix to help him lock and tie up the chains around the hands he held behind his back. The escape artist turned around twice, showing off his helplessness to his audience. Then a grunt, a few struggles, and in a few moves he was completely free.

"Wow!" Trucy clapped enthusiastically with her adopter father, while Apollo followed, still confused. "Can you show us how, please?"

More thinking. "With that promise, and especially seeing how I'm dead… Why not? I'll need a volunteer, though." Without a second thought, Houdini grabbed a protesting Apollo, whose struggling failed to stop him from being bound head to toe. He spun the attorney around to show off the lock. "Now, the trick to starting…"

The escape artist began to point at Apollo's hands, but froze suddenly. He looked down and raised his eyebrows. "Whoops," Houdini got out, right before collapsing.

"Um…" Apollo said nervously as he leaned over to look at Pearl's unconscious body lying sprawled across the carpet. He wiggled his hands, but just barely.

Phoenix stood and picked the girl up. "I told you, Trucy," he scolded as he began walking to the office's futon in the back. "You should have waited."

"H- Hey," Apollo said, panic more evident in his voice. He tried to bounce up, but his legs were chained far too closely together. "Pearl…? Trucy…? Mr. Wright?"

"Sorry, Pearls!" Trucy said worriedly as she followed them down the hall.

Apollo rolled over desperately, banging alternatively between the sofa and coffee table. He could hear a door closing down the hallway, though he couldn't crane his neck far enough to see. "Wait! I- I had a- Vera and I were going out tonight! Hey! Somebody! Help me, please!"

* * *

Always eager to get to work early and earn a paycheck, Phoenix took the stairs to the office three at a time. When he got to the door, he straightened out his tie and his smile, and bent down to polish off the brass handle with his sleeve. "Perfect," he murmured, satisfied with a few decisive swipes. "Good morning, chief!" he said, entering.

"Ah, Wright! Perfect timing as usual," Mia said, looking up from the papers flooding her desk. "We've got plenty of things to do today and not enough time to do them in."

"So the usual then?" he joked, adjusting the coat hanger that stood by the door.

Mia smiled. "Pretty much. Now, things have been pretty slow recently. That might be a good thing for society, but we still need a way to pay the bills. With that in mind, I've drawn up an advertisement. Take a look," she said, leaning forward and handing Phoenix the paper that she'd been scribbling on.

He took the paper without viewing it. "Wow, an advertisement? We must be pretty desperate if-" he stopped as he got a good look, then another look to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. _Now I'm the desperate one_, he noted, his good mood rapidly sinking.

The lettering on top was beautifully hand-printed with the words "Fey & Co. Law Offices," but underneath was a childish-looking scrawl, seemingly in crayon, of two figures standing behind a defense bench. One was a woman (he could tell because of the triangular dress) with long, brown hair, the other a shorter male with black spikes covering his head. "I really hope this isn't me," he muttered aloud inadvertedly.

Mia stared at him expectantly. "Well?" she asked. "Chop chop, run it down to the copy center. We'll need a hundred or so."

Phoenix slowly looked up at his boss, sweat pouring down his neck. "Um… Chief, why do we need copies of your rough draft…?" he asked nervously.

"What rough draft?" Phoenix was greeted with a blank look. "Hurry it up, Wright."

"…Chief," he began, scratching behind his neck. "Do you maybe have any other ways to bring in customers…?"

Mia lit up, clapping her hands together. "As a matter of fact, I do! Sit down in that chair," she said, motioning to an empty seat facing the opposite wall and reaching down into her desk drawer. Relieved, Phoenix complied with the order without questioning it. At least, until he heard a faint buzzing directly behind his ear.

"I was thinking, since our name sounds a bit old-fashioned, we might do something to bring in a slightly younger demographic, like for the teens accused of smaller crimes. So, I was watching cartoons with my teenage sister last night, and she was absolutely crazy about this Steel Samurai character. I figured, to attract customers, why don't we cut your hair to be like his?"

Phoenix immediately tried to bolt out of his chair, but was held down forcefully by his boss. "Uh, chief, not to be rude or anything," he struggled, gripping his hair tightly, "but I really, really, really like my spikes the way they are, so if you could just-"

_Bzzt_. Mia gasped. "Oops."

* * *

"Maya, the penitentiary's been hit hard with budget cuts, so there won't be weekend visiting hours this summer…" Phoenix grumbled as he, his assistant, and her younger cousin entered the hardware store. "And today's five-thirty on Friday. Visiting hours are over. Whatever you dragged us down here for, I can't visit Iris this week now."

"Stop whining, Nick!" Maya said in annoyance as she scanned the aisle headers. "You spend a good half-day there every week anyway. Cut it out and help me look for the plants!"

Phoenix raised his eyebrows, surprised. "A plant? What do you need a plant for?"

As soon as he closed his mouth, he felt a stinging pain on his cheek. "I'm sorry, Mr. Nick, but pay attention! Weren't you listening to Mystic Maya at all?" Pearl huffed, lowering her arm. "She's your special someone, and you need to listen more carefully!" Phoenix rubbed his cheek and winced as he nodded, but couldn't help a small smile.

"Ah! Aisles eight and nine!" Maya said triumphantly, dragging her companions to the announced destination. "We're here to find a mate for Charley! He's been looking down lately, so we'll get him a girlfriend to cheer him up! Now, everyone, split up!" She clapped and dismissed her soldiers.

Pearl gave her cousin a stiff salute. "Roh-jerr, sir!" She ran off and disappeared into the next row of green, her sandals slapping loudly against the hard concrete.

Phoenix looked about the aisle and pointed to the first plant that he saw, a small potted shrub. "Maya, how about this one?"

She looked over it for a moment, then shook her head. "Where's your sense of décor, Nick? That's a boy." She held up the tall fern beside it for comparison. "Look, wouldn't this cutie be a lot better for Charley?"

Blinking, he looked between the two plants for a moment, then smiled deviously. "But Maya," he began as he picked the shrub back up, barely able to conceal his grin. "If you picked that fern instead, it would make this one… Green with envy!"

The pair stared at each other silently for a moment. Maya sighed and shook her head. "Nick, why are you so old?"

* * *

Klavier paid and thanked the taxi driver, then turned to Apollo and ushered him through the door. The spiky-haired attorney looked around the dimly-lit venue furtively, scared of being recognized. It was a simple bar filled with a few small tables, and an array of bright bottles on the shelves behind the counter. "Klavier, I'm still not sure about this…" he said nervously.

"Relax, Forehead," the rock star replied as they approached the bar, jabbing Apollo in said forehead. "This is how normal people have a good time. Most do not look forward to _Law Monthly_'s crossword puzzle."

"You're anything but normal," Apollo muttered as Klavier waved to the goateed man behind the counter, who returned the wave in kind. Evidently Klavier came here often, which was something that Apollo didn't doubt.

They sat down with differing degrees of relaxation, which was compounded for Apollo, who sat next to a rough-looking, gray old man with a bullet hole-ridden coat who was enjoying his whiskey a little too much. "Order what you want, Forehead," Klavier said as he turned to the expectant bartender. "And the usual starter for me, Herr Larry." The man gave Klavier a thumbs-up and began mixing various poisons together.

Not wanting to appear a total amateur, Apollo racked his brain desperately for anything having to do with alcohol. "Uh… Gimme a… Sex on the Beach?"

Klavier smirked. "You'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"What?"

"Nothing."


End file.
